Aka another anthropological contemplation about WTF is happening between people because of our phones.
Let’s recall what we’ve chatted (griped? rattled off? rambled?) about so far: the promise of a 100 per cent feminist app that has left me more hot and bothered than empowered; my swipe rights failing to turn into Mr. Right (or even Mr. Right-for-Tonight); and all the other annoying anxiety-inducing elements of being a hot single smart female who is still stuck stroking her Tabby on Saturdays – despite matching with 1,000 eligible bachelors.
Caveat: I actually love my cats and it would take a Herculean love to drag me from their delightful little paws.
Are we swiping right on isolation & disempowerment?
So, now I want to delve a little deeper into what I have perceived to be a swiping-induced social anxiety that seems to be positioning Bumble as a source of significant isolation and disempowerment, rather than a sexy rendezvous spot. Swipe after swipe, conversation after dead-end conversation and very awkward and even more so infrequent meetup later, I finally started to make sense of what the anxiety my potential mates seem to “bee” steeped in.
The Hive & its perceived sexual hierarchies
Holy moly, can we all just agree that the “build up” stage on Bumble is super weird and lasts way too long? Well, one of the reasons I think this is, is because our male counterparts are being totally thrown off by the knowledge that they are one of 1,000 swipes and, dependent on where they see themselves in the hive hierarchy, they may very well just be leveraging sexy convos to quell their sensitivity about not being the pick of the Queen Bee.
Further, as much as we hate to admit it, evolution has taught men the intrigue of the chase. So, when Bumble takes this away from them, it appears as though they are less engaged with the pursuit. In real life, men get to look, touch, sense and smell – yes, we are all cave-people, I am sorry to say. But, it’s true: the senses typically need to be engaged to unlock those sexy chemicals that instruct our (and his) brains, “Yes, I like that one, get that one!”
And, without this initial chemical explosion that softens egos and hardens well, ya know, men are in a whole new field of intellectual and emotional tennis right off the bat. As someone who prides herself on witty banter, I thought “Fuck yes Bumble, now I can let my smart and sexy mouth shine,” and then Bumble was like “Lol no, not so fast.”
Altogether now, let’s get insecure in the swipe-happy hive
So, no matter how funny and intriguing I thought my profile or initial conversations were, they very rarely ever consummated in a real conversation or, even less likely, a real-life encounter. And, let me just tell you, I am not alone. I have talked to many women who have started to question their appearances, attitudes and intellect because what they thought would be fruitful exchanges or, at the very least, fun sexting that culminated in romps, are being ghosted left, right and frigging centre.
I refuse to believe the horrifying notion that men don’t like smart or emotionally-engaged women; that is BS, which means, there HAS to be something more bubbling beneath the surface of the beehive. But, what the hell is it? I am going to pause here and welcome readers to send through why they think women who are hitting the perfect correlation on the hot, crazy, smart matrix are being avoided by the plague by men, who in real life, would fall head over briefcase for them.